12/1/2010 9:33am Harris Teeter

Man that was a close one!.. Today I had to make an emergency pit stop at the Harris Teeter off guess rd in north Durham. The restroom smelled of fresh apples, which is a change of pace from the normal doo doo and vomit smell. The handicap stall was open and the bathroom was free of people! I ran to my favorite stall and sat down and was instantly relieved! But that feeling of release soon became stress when I had the dreaded "walk in". Without hesitation he came to the handicap stall and tried to open it.. What ever happened to knocking if a door's closed? Or at least scanning the crack of the door with your eyes to see if the lock is in place. I gave out a fake cough to let the guy know the stall was occupied, and he walked away. Just as he walked away, another person came in and did the same exact thing! Give me a break dude! He took the coffin stall and began to "power piss". Which brings me to another point. I think that I am a very considerate restroom patron. I flush the toilet, I wipe the seat when I'm done, I courtosy flush when I poop so it doesn't smell too bad, and I piss on the side not the middle of the bowl so others don't have to listen to it. I get it dude, you really gotta pee, no need to show off your ability to "horse piss". Also both invaders did not wash their hands... I hope they aren't working in the meat, deli, bakery, or produce department. That just puzzles me.. I don't care how "clean" a public restroom is, I think you should still wash your hands. I had choice for toilet paper today. One roll of the flufy stuff, and one of the "John Wayne Special". The more suprising thing than the choice is, that from the looks of it the rough stuff is used more! I guess I'm just a wuss. Today's defecation I will call "The Photo Finish" and it took a whopping 8 wipes!
   
     Ps. When I tried to take a picture of the restroom for the blog I was hit in the back by the door as another person walked in. So the blur was a result of that. I guess I could've taken another picture with him in there, or waited until he left.  But that would just be flat out wierd....

11/29/2010 8:20am Subway

Went to Subway in Garner, NC off Timber dr. Had to drop one off seriously. Like pants were too tight seriously. The second I walked in I noticed how clean it was. To the point where I could smell the sanitizer yay! Single person bathroom so no walk ins at all. I'm impressed! I expected a disaster but got a treat. I got nothing more to say. I am naming today's log appropriately the "5, 5 dollar, 5 dollar footlooong". 4 wipes.

11/23/2010 1:07pm Waffle House

Todays adventure took me to the Waffle House off of I-40 in Durham NC. Lets just say I was desperate. Now, I love to eat at Waffle House (yes I know I'm white trash) but, I hate pooping there. First things first, the bathroom smelled horrific. Like every trucker had relations with "lot lizzards" in there. Now, I have to ask the question! Why piss all over the sit down toilet when there is a urinal right next to it? IT'S A ONE MAN BATHROOM! So first off, I had to clean the toilet to be able to use it. When I sat down all I could think was how many drunk, high, or diseased people have sat on this porcelain throne. That thought became fear when my flush sprayed water back at me! Now all I could think were questions like; do I have aids now? Can I get high from meth germs, and, why God why?! I noticed the paint on the wall next to the urinal was corroded from piss splash. Seriously, you can't hit the bowl?. But also, I must remember that the average Waffle House patron is shall we say rather inebriated. Today's crap was slick so I shall call them "cleaveland sliders". I also felt rushed due to the fact that "Seabass" could come through that door any minute and show me a good time. 4 wipes.

11/18/2010 1:23pm North Durham Public Library

Like mana from heaven is the finding of a private clean public restroom. And I think I found my place of porcelain worship at the public library in North Durham. One of the coolest things about this place is the free wifi so I can facebook while I poop, making the handicap stall my own little office. The chance of walk ins is very limited, due to te fact that the most common people at the library mid day are mothers with their young children so they stay out of the mens room.  My only issue is since it's a public building they spend bare bones on luxury. Mainly the John Wayne toilet paper. (Tough as hell and don't take crap from no one) Todays dump kinda hurt like there was a Dorito I didn't fully chew coming out with it. 4 wipes.

11/17/2010 10:24am Food Lion

Ugh Food Lion... It's always a gamble for many different reasons. They're usually not located in the best neighborhoods, restrooms are littered with gang tags, and usually high population so privacy is almost impossible. This particular Food Lion in North Durham suprised me! It was relativly clean, no tags, and I had no walk ins. There were a couple of problems though. The preferred handicap toilet was full of unflushed poop and toilet paper and I didn't want to take the chance of flooding the bathroom by flushing. So, I had to settle for the tight coffin stall next door. Had to drape my coat over the crack in the door for privacy. And my main concern; when I would courtesy flush, I got water splashback so I had to quickly clench to keep hepatitis water out of my butthole. Today's dump was rushed due to my fear of walk ins so it was nervous and messy, not to mention really stinky (taco soup last night). 7 wipes not because of the poop but the freeking splash back!

11/16/2010 8:20am Lowes Hardware

Went into Lowes Hardware today for a "morning delight". Finding the restroom was more complicated than I thought it would be.  It was located at the front of the warehouse instead of the back like I would think it would be.  First off the bathroom wasn't that big compared to the size of the store, and there was no door, kind of an "open affair". Fortunately, the handicap stall was available today so I rushed over and claimed my stake and "took care of business". About midway through, some dope walked into the restroom, completely oblivious to the fact that I was in there, and proper mens room etiquette It wasn't that he walked in but he was humming at the top of his lungs as he walked to the urinal.  The second he got to the stall I recognized the song as he started to sing out loud, "You can go your own waaayyy, go your own waaayyy, you can call it another lonely day!" Really dude! Fleetwood Mac in the mens room?  I hurried up and finished to get away from this dingleberry. Todays poop was two turds one green one brown that I call the "Dr Jekyll, Mr. Hyde" 3 wipes.

Welcome to Poopblog

Some people ask me. "PoopMan, why start a blog about your fecal adventures?" The truth of the matter is I am in a public restroom almost daily "handling my business", and almost daily I encounter something that needs to be shared with the world.  The taboo of talking about what goes on in the mens room at the Red Lobster is over! I am going to air out my grievances against the bad and bizarre experiences, and my praises to those establishments that make your #2 their number one priority.
    This all began with one standout incident.  In September of 2010 I had to stop into a Walmart to use the bathroom which I hate.  Walmart to me is a desperation move, but it was the only option I had. My problem with Walmart is mostly a population problem.  The more people means the least likely I'll be able to drop it off in peace, and the more people means that the sanitation will not be "up to snuff" more often than not.  But alas, this day I hit the Walmart jackpot! The mens room was clean, and even more impressive it was vacant!  I chose the studio apartment stall at the end.  I know I'm not handicapped but come on, I want the room.  It was the last stall in a series of 8 stalls. (did i mention this was a super Walmart)
   All of a sudden this other guy wanders in shuffling his feet like a zombie.  I thought to myself "no big deal if he's not here to take a piss then he has plenty of options of stalls to have. And proper mens room etiquette says to pick the stall farthest away from the one in use" NO! he picks the stall right next to mine!  I try to keep calm even though my relaxing experience is now stressful at best.  At this time said invader of space drops trou and sits down.  My stress level raises as this pig begins to make almost death groan noises as he tries to give birth to the bowling ball he had in his colon.  Now I'm in hurry up mode.  I finish, wipe, wash and quickly walk out the door.
    The thought struck me about 20 seconds after i left about starting this blog, because this seems to happen to me way too often.  So, as much as this is an outlet for me to get these stories off my chest. I am also providing a service to share your public restroom story.  Ignore taboo and what is improper to talk about publicly and EMBRACE THE POOPBLOG!